Once we had separated, Frankie became a woman officially, even had a passport change. The boob job was done in Thailand and may have contributed, together with the hormone treatment, to the cancer though that's not a definite. He decided he was too old to have the full job done on his genitals as it is a frequent complaint with men that their waterworks start playing up as they get older. The cancer was in his/her lymph system and started as a lump in the groin. It spread to other organs within a year or so, that was in 1998. I stayed with him for the last two weeks of his life and was able to see what changes he had made to his body. During the chemo he lost his hair completely so as a very naked hairless body he looked strange. He had normal broad shoulders and chest so the the boob implants looked small and out of proportion. Seeing him in the bath, (where he was the most comfortable, as pressure on his genitals when sitting a lot was quite painful) he suddenly made me think of a foetus and then a few minutes late he looked like his Grandad, (a bald man.) A rather weird experience that doesn't leave me.
Personality- wise he changed a lot. As a younger man he was passionate about his work, Old cars, and also about capturing images of girls. Have a look as some of David Hamilton's pictures, dreamy girls with old fashioned drapey clothes. Later on he became more interested in bodies and (he told me) he began to hire male models as there was less problem working with men than women (he said!!) The photos were great, taken in natural light mostly with contours beautifully lit and shadows quite dark. Then he started taking holidays without me, saying that it would be boring for me waiting around whilst he worked, sitting around waiting for the photo opportunity to happen. He became enamoured with several Thai lady-boys and finally settled passionately on a lad named (suitably we thought) Kon. He set him up in a flat, bought him everything he needed and went back there 2 - 3 time a year. Every time he'd tell us how Kon had sold the stuff he'd bought so had to buy it all again. I think Kon was sending money to his family up in the north and near the end Frankie went there to visit with the family. Your Uncle Michael was really upset about this as Frankie would never be as generous as this with him. You can imagine how he felt. I found that, having left him and mostly just talked on the phone with him, I could forget what was happening and what he looked like. The very first time he visited us here I had to watch him from an upstairs window as he got out of the car and walked to the door. I didn't want my face to betray my feelings when I greeted him. Wearing a wig and ladies clothes with make-up and jewellery it was hard to take in. However he got on very well with Simon. At our wedding he was the life and soul of the party, all the loud laughter came from his end of the table. I was really jealous of his hips and legs as they looked good in stockings and slim skirt. Most people at the party seemed to accept him for who he was, although his oldest friends, from teenage years, couldn't talk to him, the whole idea upset them too much. Complete incomprehension. As this all came out when he was sixty, you could understand their feelings, I have to say I felt rather the same. It killed my love for him as he was always doing stuff without me and leaving me alone and being secretive. Back in 1988/9 I was very lonely and was praying for a way out of this nightmare. We tried to behave normally in public but Frankie became convinced he could perform like the lady-boys in the cabarets in the nightclubs in Thailand. I went there once with him and he showed me the gorgeous dancing "girls" dressed in satin and feathers and topless. I enjoyed the jungle much more!!!! But it was embarrassing when he did a Marlene Dietrich act at our Square Dance Club Party. He went on and on, so happy to be showing off his new persona.
When I met Simon and decided to leave Frankie, he seemed surprised and upset, but in fact my leaving allowed him to be what he wanted to be. Towards the end of 1997/8 I believe he was doing things I wouldn't want to tell you about, it shocked even me, who is fairly unshockable. I could still talk to him as a friend and we always shared first with each other the good and bad things in our lives. He had some charming gay friends and he published a book of photos of Kon, celebrating with a party at a gay pub which I went to. It was a lovely evening, and they were all charming to me, the only straight one there!!!
I think the main changes were that he became so self absorbed. He started to smoke marijuana, having in the past abhorred the idea of smoking. Our cat, at the time, loved eating it!! Way-out cat!!. He had started to change by about 1983 so the period that followed were very upsetting and puzzling for me. It wasn't till the summer of 1989 that he actually felt able to tell me what he'd been going through himself. However by that time it was too late to mend things and when I met Simon in September 1989 and I found we had so many interests in common, he being a SD caller too, I decided to go. When I moved in with Simon I had only been to about 6 dances with him, never spend any length of time with him, but felt that he was OK and we'd make it work somehow. Which we have, it's now 25 years we've been together.
Simon was very understanding about Frankie and never queried anything I felt I had to do. I hope this gives you an idea, about him. If you have any other questions I'd be happy to answer. I don't feel there is anything to hide, so feel free. I'm afraid I felt he was delusional to think he looked feminine, and I worried for him when he went off to London to Gay clubs. Really he was a Transexual rather than gay and being attracted to Thai lady-boys made him a male lesbian. Weird or what!!!
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